How to Experience Sexual Fulfillment in Christian Marriage: Before, During and After Menopause

                                                                                

                                

Peri-menopause, is a period of transition when a woman’s reproductive life gradually comes to an end. This period usually begins in women in their 40s, but could start in 30s or even earlier. Peri- menopause lasts till menopause sets in i.e. the point when the ovaries stop releasing eggs. 

The peri menopause lasts for about 4 years, for some women a few months and in some women it continues for 10 years.

You may recognize per menopause when you begin experiencing some or all of the following symptoms:

• Hot flashes
• Painful breast
• Worsening of premenstrual syndrome
• Reduced sex drive
• Easily tired
• Irregular menstrual periods
• Vaginal dryness;
• Discomfort during sex
• Urine leakage when coughing or sneezing
• Urinary urgency (a pressing need to urinate more frequently)
• Mood swings
• Difficulty sleeping

Some of the emotional changes experienced by women undergoing per menopause or menopause can include:

• Irritability
• Feelings of sadness
• Lack of motivation
• Anxiety
• Aggressiveness
• Difficulty concentrating
• Fatigue
• Mood changes
• Tension

What is menopause? 

Menopause begins a new phase in a woman’s life, when in her 50’s, she stops having periods. Menopause is a natural biological event in which the menses stops when the function of the ovaries begins to cease. The process of menopause does not occur overnight, but rather it is gradual. 

This so-called peri-menopausal transition period is a unique experience for each woman and can begin when women are in their 40’s. A woman is in menopause when she has had no menstrual periods (menses) for 12 months and has no other medical reason for her menses to stop.

The early symptoms of menopause are:

-         Abnormal vaginal bleeding,

-         Hot flashes and mood changes.

-         Later on symptoms consist of vaginal dryness, urinary problems, muscle and joint aches.

How you can cope

I encourage women to take better care of themselves in every aspect of life: physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.

Event of menopause in the whole process of sexuality in marriage

To have a fulfilling sexual life in marriage, the foundation of marriage must be started right. A woman should go into marriage not because everybody wants her to marry, but for the reason of being in love and to fulfill God’s purpose for the marriage. It is true that some of us started marriage before salvation, but the time of ignorance is overlooked, God is calling us to be mothers who will lead our family by supporting our husbands.

In discussing challenges of menopause in sexual relationship in marriage, we are guided by I Timothy 6:17b ….but in the living God, who gives us richly all things to enjoy (NKJV).

It is often erroneously thought that a good Christian woman is not supposed to imagine, or think about sex nor crave or exude sex. There are some Christians who see decent sex act as sinful, shameful, a perilous path paved with lust and guilt.

Sex in marriage is created by God who gives us richly everything to enjoy. There are myths some Christian women have about which spills over to menopausal period of menopause. For example,

-         Some women think that the sexual act in marriage is over after childbearing

-         The vagina will shrivel as a result of low estrogen level.

-         Sex drive dies with the onset of menopause.

-         Becoming less attractive to your husband

-         Sex is a very painful experience at menopause

-         Sex becomes boring at menopause.

Here are the truths about sexual life after menopause: 

1.The idea that sex is to be enjoyed in the first few years of marriage is a lie of the devil. The more time you spend with your husband, the better you are together.

2.Most physical changes of menopause are not easily seen with the eyes. Regular sex acts stimulate blood flow to the vagina, and also keeps it healthy.

3. Reduce vaginal dryness by allowing foreplay or lubricating the vagina 

4. Work a bit harder to reach sexual climax.

5. Build your self confidence.

6. Increase your need for intimacy.

7. Slight discomfort during sex act during menopause can be overcome by foreplay and vaginal lubrication.

8. When there is chronic health problem, bear with your spouse and work out other ways of sexual expression and fulfillment.

9. Remember your body is not only for you but also your husband’s (I Cor. 7: 4-6).

10. Banish the mindset that sex is to be endured rather than enjoyed.

11. Do not separate your sexual life from your spiritual life.

12. Accept the fact that your husband sees sex differently from the way you do.

13. Fill your heart with positive things. Phil. 4:8.

14. Make sex as exciting as possible by training your husband to turn you on and learn how you can turn on your husband.

15. Make your marriage your number one priority. Don’t leave your husband alone and travel for a long period to baby sit.

16. Avoid inattentive, unaffectionate, lazy attitude towards sex life in marriage.

Finally, your marriage could be as successful and sexually fulfilling according to what you make it to be. The sexual union between you and your spouse even at menopause is just a little of how it will be like when in rapture we are raised to spend eternity with Him.